somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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