So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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