Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
