My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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