Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
