how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
