Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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