i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
