I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
