I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
