yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize