All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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