i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
