this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
