I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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