I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
pray to the hookup gods
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
