can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
