He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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