talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
