I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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