and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
