when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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