WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
A bitchslap is in order.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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