I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
