I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
