I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
