He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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