I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
