walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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