Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
