His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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