he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
