THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
