I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize