i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
