just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize