Midget sex pt 2 tonight
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
