My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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