the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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