Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What a dumb baby whore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
