It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
