i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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