i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
