i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
