he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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