Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
