Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize