I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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