She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
