I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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