great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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