we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
