I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sext me about skeletons
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
