Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize