She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
