Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
