chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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