hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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