Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize