I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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