HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
