just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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