Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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