He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
