You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
