And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
its not stalking. its research.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
