You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you didnt know i had herpes?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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