Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Terrible idea I love it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
