I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
